Friday, March 16, 2007

Up for Grabs

Starring: Jason Branch, Blake Harper, Doug Jefferies, Colby Taylor, Rick Matthews, Mitchell Stevens, Nicholas Clay, Zak Taylor
Directed by Jeff Russell
Mustang Studios
81 Minutes

Up for Grabs opens with scenes of garage sale signs being posted all over San Francisco, and then cuts to interior shots of the aforementioned garage where sales are made, explicit stories are told about the history of the item being sold, and then... Well, and then Mitchell Stevens is taking a shower in slow motion on an outdoor patio and lathering his uncut cock. Inside the house Jason Branch, half-naked on the couch, wakes up, rolls off of his stomach and begins stroking his already stiff rod. The two tease one another through the sliding glass doors that separate their love-about-to-happen. And then it happens. (BTW, cock pressed against patio glass looks odd, like something you might have accidentally hit while driving home from happy hour in West Hollywood.) There is some expert rimming before the main event and then the fun really starts. The pleine air opener comes to an end in the doorway and it is quite a sight to see! (I love it when a beefy bottom gets off while he's still getting ploughed.) The next item up for sale is a basketball "with sentimental value." Cut to a basketball court in the Marina District where Garage Sale Boy wins a game of one-on-one with his old (actually, young, blond, and hung) roommate, Zak Taylor. The ex-roommate had talent and the two suck and fuck their way up, down, and over the old couch. The first smart shopper (Doug Jefferies) returns home with his SFPD T-shirt and presents it as a gift to his scantily clad boyfriend (Blake Harper) and more than recoups the twenty bucks from his lover's cavernous hole. (“Sex, it's what's for dinner!”) Meanwhile, back in the garage, two savvy shoppers (Rick Matthews and Nicolas Clay) go down on one another while haggling for an old Polaroid OneStep. Then the electric garage door rolls down and there is hot three-way love made on the cold concrete. I had a garage sale once and all I got was hassled by the neighbors. Up for Grabs gives explicit instructions about how to do it right in the future. It is important to remember that garage sale success is not measured in total cash sales alone.