Tuesday, January 16, 2007

When the Wife’s Away

Starring: Daniel Istvan, Michael-Raphael, Christopher Rojas, Nolan Scott, Alex Carrington, Jeff Mitchell, Dereck Bishop, Eric Evans
Directed by Blade Thompson
Street Corner Studios/Blade Productions
78 Minutes

Dereck Bishop reminisces to his assembled poker buddies about that fabulous weekend when his wife went “away on a trip” and he had a “plumbing problem” in the opening scene of When the Wife’s Away. Cue the music, insert Michael-Raphael under the sink with a tool belt, and there you have it. Why is the plumber suddenly rimming the straight homeowner? Because it’s in the script. (Duh…) When you get on board with the intricacies of the plot, it will then come as no surprise when Bishop returns the favor by unclogging Michael-Raphael’s drain as they straddle the immaculate countertop.

Next up is Jeff Mitchell who bags a grocery clerk while, you guessed it, his wife is away. I have to say, though, that it is highly satisfying to watch said grocery clerk (Alex Carrington) hop into Mitchell’s SUV mid-shift for some naked R&R without a second thought about his career or co-workers. Alex immediately drops to his knees and provides some excellent customer service before delivering a vigorous fuck right to Mitchell’s back door. (Employee of the Month here he comes!)

So then, Nolan Scott’s wife disappears mysteriously and the milkman shows up with skim, low fat, and (what’s this?) a big, fat cock! Christopher Rojas slips it to Scott right there in the living room while the delivery sours by the front door. POST-COITAL WARNING: This sequence may contain unfortunate Milk Board advertising tag lines.

The poker chips are really flying by the time Daniel Istvan gets the chance to recount his extracurricular activities while his wife is away on a “business trip.” Moments after his alleged spouse boards her alleged flight, Istvan lands a pilot and takes him home for the weekend. Istvan has a pronounced accent and I couldn’t help rewinding the shot where he asks Eric Evans, “So, how do you like my house?” over and over again. (This phrase, so coy yet so innocent, should be looped through some club mix if it hasn’t already…) Evans, grateful for the lift and the cheap layover accommodations, entices Istvan to fly his very friendly, and extremely hairy, skies (he’s almost a cross between Stanley Tucci and Zak Spears). The pilot is already wearing a cock ring (due to heightened security measures at the airport, I’m assuming) and the two men get right to it. “It” being The Nasty on the wall-to-wall where Evans’s aerial approach to Istvan’s vertical appendage is impressive and quite athletic.

If Hollywood has taught us anything, it’s that plot is entirely optional, so suspend the disbelief and focus on the exposed flesh.