Porn in the U.S.A.

Starring: Adam, Steve, Cody, Tyler, Bull Dozer, Jon Done
Directed by Major Johnson
Serviceman Studios
76 Minutes

Porn in the U.S.A. is a high-concept new release from Texas-based Serviceman Studios that features Grade-A beefcake fornicating in the foreground of some of the nation’s most phallic buildings. The use of architecture as a unifying theme is a directorial risk that pays off exceptionally well for Johnson (who, at this point in his career, has spent much more time in front of the camera than behind it).

First up is a no-brainer for this particular production: Coit Tower in San Francisco. “Coitus Tower,” as it’s known to most San Franciscans, really does look like a mammoth circumcised penis with subtle, almost veiny, ridges running all around its shaft (for his pleasure, of course). In the opening sequence, Adam and Steve (wink, wink) are shot as gay tourists attempting to take photos of the piers and Alcatraz Island below through the narrow windows at the top. They laugh and make nonsensical conversation before heading down the spiral staircase and out into the wilds of Telegraph Hill. A slow fade brings us up and over this dense foliage to the rooftop of an office building just before the sun starts its descent into the Pacific. Adam and Steve have ditched their cameras, and most of their clothing, and are rolling above the offices and rows of cubicles below clad in matching black jockstraps and boots. Adam spreads himself across one of the picnic tables (where diligent office drones no doubt eat their bag lunches during the week) and offers his densly-furred asscrack to Steve for an extended bout of vigorous rimming. Steve barely comes up for air (and who could blame him?) before Adam drops his feet to the roof and demands to be fucked “senseless!” Steve gladly fulfills this order by jamming his cock straight into Adam’s eager hole. Adam bucks underneath the frenzied thrusting of Steve’s muscular hips until the two shoot their loads into the San Francisco sunset just as building security arrives on the scene. The camera shakes underneath the blurry paw of the beefy rent-a-cop until the scene dissolves into pixelated snow and white noise.

The headquarters of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints in Salt Lake City serves as the backdrop for the next scene of, not surprisingly, blond-on-blond twink action. The building itself isn’t as blatantly phallic as the one in the first scene; In fact, it’s a bit on the abstract end of the this particular spectrum, but viewers will hardly notice once Cody starts boning Tyler on the front lawn. Both young men are disproportionately well endowed, but Cody’s throbbing rod is almost absurdly long compared to the rest of slender frame. It almost looked like Tyler wanted to run very far away the way his eyes went so wide the moment that Cody slipped himself inside, but I’m still not sure (despite repeated, unsuccessful, attempts to read the expression). Pleasure? Pain? Epiphany? Only Tyler knows the answer to that question...

The last scene was shot on location in Buffalo, New York, in front of City Hall. The architect was once quoted as saying that the mammoth Art Deco building captured “the masculinity, power, and purposeful energy of an industrial community,” but I doubt that he was thinking of gay porn when he uttered these words. Shot last year on the Fourth of July (no lie), Johnson has clearly saved his best for last. Bull Dozer is a massive Pole (no, he’s really from Poland!) who, it has been reported, has one of the thickest cocks in the industry. Jon Done is equally as meaty, and even hairier, than Dozer and is a very aggressive bottom. (Is this a dream pairing, or what?) Suffice it to say that these men go at it like there is no tomorrow with Done spending most of his time braced up against the McKinley Monument (a marble obelisk that reinforces the aforementioned masculinity of City Hall in the background) while fireworks explode all over the sky in the background. The credits roll on this unbelievable finale to a thumping techno version of Bruce Springsteen’s famously misunderstood anti-anthem, Born in the U.S.A.

Conspicuously absent from all of this politically-oriented eye candy are any sequences shot in our nation’s capitol. Clearly, the turf at the base of the Washington Monument in D.C. is prime real estate for this kind of porn. Perhaps the ballsy and innovative men at Serviceman Studios are setting us up for a sequel? You know I’ll keep you posted...